Fitness Death March

• I wanted to eat a “fun size” candy bar.. there are tons around at work. But, I realized that it was 5:30, with half an hour left until I went home, and I really just wanted to go home! Yes, I was hungry, but it’s normal to be hungry for a while before you actually eat. It’s not worth it, especially when eating one seems to make it so much easier to eat a second, and then a third. So, test passed.
• The team went out for lunch, but I had committed to a small number of calories for the day, and I stuck to it. I went home and had a turkey sandwich and sparkling water. Bonus: I avoided unnecessary expense.
• When I felt the urge to snack, I got up and made some tea to have something to do and enjoy.
• I had a leftover roll with dinner. It was an extra 220 calories, but even with it I ended the day almost 300 below my quota. I avoided the temptation to NOT eat it, which would be taking this diet too far.

Ok, I know I can “do right” — eat less, exercise, whatever — but I’ll create change if I reinforce these behaviors by reflecting on how I succeeded and on things I regret from the last day or two.

One thing I learned from IOWL (inside-out weight loss) is that we all self-correct. Yo-yo dieting is self-correcting, just not sustainable. Letting myself go for a year then getting back on the wagon is self-correcting, too, but awfully slow. I will have greater success and create change when I self-correct in a shorter window: take only a day off the diet, not a week, or have only a couple extra bites, not the rest of a plate that I don’t really need.

So, 3 things I did right or self-corrected:

• I was tempted to order a pizza, but didn’t! I’m not going to get anywhere if I say “screw it” too easily. I’ll have the pizza sometime, but I’m going to wait for some occasion, not just being tired and not wanting to cook.
• I got on the treadmill while playing WoW and forgot I was on it for over 2 hours. I had started out on the couch, and could have easily just stayed there, but I knew that I wouldn’t succeed with that behavior. I’m not going to avoid the couch, because each time I get up from it in the future, I will be demonstrating my self-control and making it stronger with exercise.
• I ate my calorie limit by early afternoon, but resisted eating more, even though I was hungry. I knew I’d had enough, and the feeling soon subsided. One thing I did wrong, to put myself over my limit so early, was to eat a “pre-meal snack” because I was impatient for lunch to be ready. I didn’t eat less lunch because of it, it was just extra calories! So, next time I am inclined to eat something handy because I don’t want to wait 10-15 minutes for a meal, I’ll get up and make some tea or something, just to kill the time and get past the impulse. It’s ok to be hungry for a few minutes!

Hi all!  After not exercising for nearly a year, I’ve gained back about 12 of the 28 pounds lost, so have run headlong into an easy “away” motivation to get back into fitness. That is, I am motivated to escape (get away from) wearing the same few clothes I still feel ok in, instead of the nice stuff — so am back to exercising, counting calories, and blogging.

Surfshelf!

The hard part, as always, is hanging on to my “toward” motivation — the thing to work toward once I escape the proximate, unwanted thing (clothes too tight). So with this post, I want to quickly say “hi, sorry I was away” (check), suggest some “toward” motivations that might actually stick, and tell you about a product I got that might be helping me.

THRILLING OUTCOMES OF WEIGHING 16 LBS LESS, NOT 6 LBS LESS:

1. Being in GOOD shape for adventure travel — kayaking, hiking in the mountains, multi-day rafting trips. This is the person I want to be, and can be, on vacation. Not just “up for it”, but in shape for it. Not holding anyone back, doing what I want.
2. Feeling really good in my nicer clothes, not just wearing them!  I’ve never in my life felt like I dressed all that well, but that’s really not true: last year, I did. It was NOT HARD, it just took daily effort. Really capturing a turnaround in my self-image would be great for my career, relationship, and all-around life. These two ideas are too broad and distant, though: a “toward” motivation is supposed to carry some of the “I want that!!” feeling of an impulse, just an impulse that does you good. So, I will try to be more impulsive with 3, and picture a scene or a thing I want, that I can have or do at 180, but not at 196, in just three months.
3. I want to run a 10K easily, finish in the middle, and have my girlfriend there at the start, middle, and end, cheering me on.

Ok! That I can do! Of course, my relationship is LD, but she’ll be living here by then, and never in my life have I lived the 80’s movie plot of getting the girl and having an athletic achievement.

Helping me on my way to this is the surfshelf. a laptop tray that attaches to my treadmill. I’m actually writing this blog entry while walking 1.5mph, an easy typing pace.  Last night, I was working at it, and watching some tv on my laptop while walking. I’ve also played World of Warcraft while on it, though maybe at more like 1.0mph, since it takes more attention.  WoWarcraft is a great time-sink.. if you’re exercising at the same time!

So, right now I am celebrating overcoming the inertia of getting started again, and checking in with my brothers at FatBloggers at least weekly!

Coming out of a slump, I hope. I spent a while not exercising to prepare for a tournament in a hobby I’m involved in, and that was fun and all, but then I took a break after the trip as well. And then I started online gaming. My goal today is to exercise, do laundry, and get the errands and work done that I need to do. In other words, exert some control over my activities, as opposed to taking the path of least resistance and spending another WHOLE DAY with computer games. Yeah, they’re great, but if my life has to go on hold for them, they aren’t in their proper role.

Weeks Complete: 9
Starting weight / waist: 194 / 40″
Current weight / waist: 183.6 / 37.5″
Goal weight: 180 (with strength increases)
21-day change: +3.2
Total change: -10.4 pounds
To goal: 3.6 pounds

So, after basically a month easing okish, not really counting calories, and not exercising at all, I’ve gained back a pound or two (I think that 180 for 3 weeks ago was my low swing). Not a big deal, the main thing is to take some action. I know I’ll feel better after I’ve run a couple miles!

Man, spend a couple weeks away from the blog and come back to find 565 comments waiting.

I was super busy for a couple weeks and got out of the habit of exercising, but plain old not eating has kept my weight down pretty well.. I just know it’s not going to last.  Still, it’s harder than ever to find the time. I’ll see what I can do, and try to get back to regular posts, in order to meet my goal of at least another 5 pounds lost properly.

I guess even if I’m not “done” with working on weight loss and fitness, I’ve become confident enough in my ability to lose weight to take a week off to prepare for a big convention, and to not really care if I gain a few pounds in the process (since it’s in Las Vegas, to boot). So, back to Austin — and the fitness death march — next week. See you then!

Today, in new shirt

Weeks Complete: 6
Starting weight / waist: 194 / 40″
Current weight / waist: 180.4 / 37″
Goal weight: 180 (with strength increases)
7-day change: -5.2 pounds
Total change: -13.6 pounds (-32.4 counting from Nov. ‘07!)
To goal: 0.4 pounds

I’m pretty sure I’m at the low end of a fluctuation, so did not lose 5 pounds this week, but it’s still nice to see a number I haven’t seen in 10 years or more.

Highlights:

• I remember buying a pair of shorts from a stall at the Chatuchak market in Bangkok. I was living in Japan at the time (2004), cycling intermittently, and very stressed in general, so losing and gaining weight constantly. I deliberately picked a pair a size or two too small. I realize it’s not a good practice to buy clothes you “plan to fit into soon”, and the shopkeeper, with classic Asian tact, widened his eyes and shook his head “no way!”, but I bought them anyway. Now, 4 years later and 13 pounds lighter, I actually put them on for the first time.
• I went to Banana Republic (favorite clothing store), whose Mediums began fitting well again this month, and found the perfect shirts! The good part is that when I tried them on, I looked in the mirror and recognized myself. I know my body image / fitness psychology is very poor, in that I feel extremely unattractive and disgusted with myself — which motivates me to eat less and exercise — but if you’re going to play that game, it’s nice to eventually see some progress. I felt good trying on the shirts, so took a photo to commemorate it.

Bad awful crap:

• Exercised only twice.
• The pizza being delivered any minute now. But hey, I’m ahead of schedule.

Other:

While my next “goal reassement” post is a few weeks away, I pulled out my high school yearbook, to compare my current appearance to what I looked like then, probably a few pounds lighter still. I hate having fat on my face most, but felt I needed to do a reality check by comparing a “thin photo” to my mental image of what I should look like.  Looking at it, I saw that my jaw did appear to taper a bit more. I do definitely look thinner in the old photo — but it’s good to know what that looks like, so I’m not waiting for and working towards a face that’s just not in there. Whatever I decide my goal is, I now know I’m closing in on it. It couldn’t be more than another 10 pounds before I’m wearing 32 pants and have a jaw.. could it?

1996, in fake borrowed tuxedo jacket. Also pre-LASIK, and pre-losing-all-my-damned-hair.

I got a surprise call today — my girlfriend was extubated and let out of her coma-like state, since she’d hit the recovery goals they were looking for, days earlier than expected. She’ll stay in ICU longer to get over the pneumonia that developed during her week-long nap, but so far, so good. Medical issues have kept us apart for a long time, so it’s nice to feel like we’re gaining some ground. This isn’t that kind of journal, but I’ve mentioned her and her hospitalization, so am happy to share the news before I go back to just writing about fat and exercise.

The last week had been pretty awful for exercise & diet — I ate out Thursday night, didn’t even count calories Fri-Sun, and had about eight slices of pizza altogether on Fri-Sat.. maybe more. And, I didn’t exercise at all Tues-Sun. Everything was going downhill together.

But, I’ve gone back to around 1300 counted calories a day since, and I did the usual hour of slow cardio and weights on Monday and more HIIT Tuesday night. I didn’t do anything this morning, since I woke up pretty tired from sprinting every other lap for two miles before bed last night. I did, however, get some painting out of the way. It’s a long story, but I have a project of sorts due in about 10 days, and it feels a lot like exercising to make myself spend a couple hours a day on it. It’s coming together, though, and I’m sure that by the time we get to Sunday, I’ll have finished it and lost a pound or something, and I’m just going to have to be ok with that.